the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
