I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
