I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
