Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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