dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
it glows. i had to have it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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