anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
