i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
