it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
