I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do herpes really smell.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
