Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
