he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
