so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
