nut hugger
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
