none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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