Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
