Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
