Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
