Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
