it hurts more in the daytime
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
