The maid of honor just puked.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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