She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
