Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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