this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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