Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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