New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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