this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
