Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
