let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
