omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
