We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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