Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
