dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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