I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize