the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
