So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
