So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
