How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
