I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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