I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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