So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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