Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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