I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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