Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Randomize
