Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
