i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
