Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
