I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
