I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
