No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
