Jerry, you need to find god
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
