he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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