yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You're earring is so big in my mouth
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
