im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
