just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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