she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
