dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
