someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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