why didn't you poke me back
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
