dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize