Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
