Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
