Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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