hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my liver is dry heaving
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
