Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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