I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
