mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
