This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
