I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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